I’m not into talk shows that bring in ‘experts’ on relationships and attempt to solve, in front of hundreds of thousands of people in the audience, a “failing relationship”. But what I caught on TV this week in my school canteen, in my opinion, is a sign that such talk shows have really descended to a new low.
Let’s just say that I don’t exactly fancy Tyra’s talk shows. Fine, she looks decent, is eloquent enough to be her own host, though I don’t think the idea of putting one’s relationship in the hands (literally) of hundreds of people is a step in the right direction for her. In summary: A woman walks on stage, and Tyra beckons for her to sit down on her comfortable couch. She starts talking about how much she loves the guy, but there are some things that she’s not happy about and she doesn’t think that he’s the “right” person. She’s confused because she “loves the guy to death”, but she doesn’t know if carrying on in this relationship would be beneficial to both of them. She talks about the guy’s apparent weaknesses, and how she is not able to accommodate them. And all this, in front of the entire audience and the viewers on TV. And oh, she actually has a child with the guy.
The man then comes out, and Tyra asks the woman to face him and tell him, in the face, about all the things that she isn’t happy about. The man takes it in good humour for awhile, but how long he remains this way I do not know, because I have turned my attention away from the TV by then.
The audience then votes whether the couple should stay together or simply say goodbye.
Something wrong
If there is anything wrong with this scene, I would say the fabric of American society has degenerated into neediness (at best), and thoughtlessness (at worst). Sure, chase for your own ideals, look for the right person, but firstly accept responsibility for your actions. Think, for goodness sake, about what you have been doing. Do you think what you’re doing is the right thing, or not? Going on TV just to validate your actions in something that is supposed to be intensely individual and personal seems to me that people don’t really have a clear idea of their morals anymore. In fact, they are looking for the morals of “somebody else” – the audience in this case – to determine if their actions are right.
Part of it has to do with the rise of the self-help movement and how people have been attempting to justify to themselves that you need to “forgive yourself” for your actions, even if they are wrong. The disclaiming of responsibility sounds on the outset to be a good idea – less responsibility, less grief right? – but this seems to lead people into thinking that no, whatever I do isn’t really my fault, it’s really that the fabric of society is changing and I am merely reflecting society’s changes. So, really, whatever I do isn’t my fault, but the society’s.
And so what happens when you screw up? Ask society, of course. Or disclaim responsibility. Whatever works, it’s just not me that’s the problem.
The couple needs to realize – assuming that they haven’t already broken up – that there is something fundamentally wrong with their behaviour. They need to relearn what accommodation is, and change – not the other person, but themselves. Sure, he may not be Mr. Right, but can you truly live a fantasy? Do they really think love is about the ideal person? If they are, and they are stubborn enough to continue thinking this way, they will never believe that they are at fault, just that the other person didn’t quite turn out to be Mr. Right. The fantasy lives on, families continue to get broken.
And cut down on watching – or attending – talk shows where you surrender your responsibility to someone else.
