Two People: 4 – The Idea

Sometimes you just need a half-joke to get something going. I bet you that Sang Nila Utama was probably half-joking when he said he saw a lion. I always had my doubts about the man’s eyesight, but no matter how bad his sight was I just felt that it was quite impossible that you can screw up distinguishing between a lion and a tiger. But nevertheless, a half-joking claim that he saw a lion meant that the island was named “Singapore”. And everything was history from then onwards.

It was another boring day at the office, except for one thing: we had to process some claims for some companies that had been working with us for a while. I was pondering some road-surfacing company’s claims when Chris knocked on my door.

“Eh bro, please lah, you don’t have to knock my door to get permission to come in one,” I said.

“Boss… I don’t dare okay. Anyway, just got another bunch of claims that need your signature.”

“Damn, that’s a bloody big pile. Never mind, just leave it here, thanks.”

“Wah, the road-surfacing company just invoiced us for $500k. Just imagine if we were that company, man.”

“Haha… you trying to be funny is it?”

“Eh no leh, boss, you can set up your own company and then charge SLA for it!” Chris put down the files on the table and opened the office door to leave.

Something excited me about the idea. Set up your own company and then charge SLA for it… It sounded extremely interesting. And not just that… I know it was meant as a joke, but somehow it’s not so funny when you start thinking about the possibilities.

I picked up the phone and pressed some numbers. “Chris,” I looked at my watch. 15 minutes before lunch. “Can you come inside my office for a while? I’ve got an idea.”

Two People: 3 – At Home

Disclaimer: I’m only trying to imagine somebody else’s family. This is not about me.

The marriage part was the easiest. The exchange of rings, vows, then the kiss – that’s what everybody seems to remember about it. The ceremony. Because subsequently everything kind of degenerates into monotony.

You go back home and the first thing your wife asks is “how’s work?”. So yeah, work was fun, was boring, I met the boss, blah blah blah. What do you think of your performance this year? Think you’ll get promoted?

For god’s sake, woman, I’m already a deputy director. If it was so easy to get promoted to director I would have just waltzed in to the guy’s office and taken his place right?

That’s not what you should say to your wife. Not especially when you have said it at least a hundred times.

Besides, what else can you say about work after a while? By the end of the year I would already have described every bloody nook and cranny of all my colleagues from their working style to their favourite perfume. Then you’ll get jealous because you say I’m never as attentive to you as to my other colleagues. So now I’ve learnt my lesson, I just keep my bloody mouth shut.

Two People: 2 – Reflections

Here’s what you do when you’re at work (these are the steps that I followed religiously when I worked, anyway):

• The computer is your best friend. Stick to it, answer your emails, answer them promptly. Don’t get distracted, don’t go to the pantry too often, and definitely don’t look at the pretty receptionist.
• Put something on your computer desktop to motivate you. It used to be family, but since then family had been surpassed by the Lamborghini.
• I set reminder alerts with something that motivates you to work even harder. For instance, my phone has a reminder ringtone that is a recording of the engine rev of the Gallardo. (Or something like that.)

I’d been doing this for years. It must have worked, to some extent, since I have made it to become the Deputy Director – it sounds like a big deal in any organisation, but in a statutory board it was mainly a signal that you were slightly more experienced than a “head” of the department. Of course, when shit happens, you are still expected to wipe up the mess.

I bet you think I sound like a cynical piece of shit. Well, don’t we all come out from university thinking that with our degree we will have the ability to change the world? Let me tell you, if you come out with this mentality today, you are likely to end up as disappointed – if not as cynical – as me. I’ve been working in the best-paid government in the world for 15 years and I have yet to see the light at the end of the tunnel (and it’s not because I don’t take the MRT).

Anyway, another thing: knock off from work later. It gives the impression that you are always willing to stay behind to go the extra mile for your work, even if it is absolutely unnecessary. In these particular moments I’ll take out my hard drive and go to Google Videos to get some decent video reviews of the latest automobiles (YouTube videos are firewalled in the offices).

The phone rang.

“Honey, I’m coming back for dinner,” I said quickly, fast enough that she didn’t have time to respond, before I hung up.

It sucks to have to go through the same conversation, again and again, for almost 10 years of your life. Then to go through the same conversation with your mother-in-law.

You’re a manager, how come you don’t have money? You’re a head, how come you don’t have money? You’re a deputy director, how come you don’t have money? I wonder if we have time to go travelling this year. I’d like to go to Europe. Don’t you think our car is quite old? How about moving to a bigger flat? Have you ever thought about the future?

It inevitably linked to the most important thing that we are promised at the beginning of our careers but may never even get to smell towards the end of it.

Money.

And I wish I had it. If you said you don’t want it, then you’re a bloody liar.

Two People: 1 – Company

This purely stemmed from my imagination.

I can still imagine how the office looked like – gray, squarish, divided into cubes; people shuffling about with stacks of papers, a long queue at the photocopier; sunken, lifeless eyes staring at you with acknowledgement grunts that were supposed to pass off as greetings; invisible chains that tied you to your desk for as long as the office hours lasted.

At least, that was how my office looked like. Still, believe it or not, it was a better place to be than staying at home.

I reached the office at 8.34am – not too punctual, but early enough for people to believe (or pretend to believe) that my watch ran slightly slower than the office’s. It’s all pretend, at least in this environment. People smile, but really, they aren’t really smiling at you: they’re looking at the seat you’ve taken, the position you’re on, and hoping that they will eventually be able to take them over. That’s what I thought, anyway. I hated sarcasm, and I hated it even more since I joined the Land Authority, but in my opinion, if shit can get you somewhere, then you jolly well use it.

The pantry was pretty decent, I still recall – the coffee machine didn’t just serve coffee, but also a range of good teas and even Belgian chocolate. The auntie who cleared the garbage was there, but since she was in the other corner of the room I didn’t bother to say hi. It would have been… awkward, no?

As my double espresso was being dispensed and I was standing there thinking of whether I should participate in the next Standard Chartered marathon, the pantry door opened and Chris came in.

“Hey bro,” Chris said.

“Hi, what’s up macho man. Eh, nice tie lah.”

I met Chris a long time ago. We’d met each other at the Infocomm Development Authority, one of the many organisations in Singapore that were designed to give the economy a specific boost. But Chris had come here a year earlier, and was now the manager of the Technology and Infrastructure Department.

“Not as nice as yours. Hey, are you going to run Stanchart this year?”

“Wah lau, you macho can already. Don’t need to force everybody to be as macho as you. Anyway no time lah, working my ass off you know.”

“You make it sound like I don’t do any work sia.”

“You’re the Deputy Director leh. Please. Do what work,” Chris winked. “Eh, this weekend got some car exhibition. Wanna go?”

“Probably. Let me know what time you’re going down.”